Posted by: theboyfromsmallville | September 19, 2006

Guy walks into a bar… Part 2

I couldn’t find the link to the story but our news page ran a story Monday that actress-tv host-basketball wifey Kris Aquino is pregnant.
Okay, let me correct that.
She says that she’s 98% sure she’s pregnant.
Contemplate on that while I figure out a way to put the punch back into the punchline.

* * *

This is probably how it went when Kris had her check-up:
Doc: Well, here’s the good news. You’re pregnant.
Kris: (animated laughter) Really?!?
Doc: Well, I’m 98% sure you are.
Kris: Huh?!?
Doc: There’s a 2% chance that it’s just gas.

* * *

Well, I guess that’s just natural.
You laugh that much that animatedly there’s always a chance you’d develop gas.
Or, at least, that’s what old wives back in my province used to tell me.
Last I heard, Kris asked her doc when she can know for sure that she’s really pregnant.
The doc said she’ll know if she still feels something in her tummy.
After she has already farted.

* * *

Yup. Yup. Yup.
If Kris announces one of these days that she’s 100% pregnant, you know what happened before that.

* * *

Guess what?
Manny Pacquiao, already the biggest Filipino sports icon in this era, just got bigger. The ring sensation inked a two-year deal with Nike, lining up alongside athletic greats Maria Sharapova, Tiger Woods, Roger Federer, Michael Jordan, Rafael Nadal and Michelle Wie.
Can you even imagine an exclusive cocktail night featuring all of ‘em above?
They’d be chatting around asking how everybody’s doing and the Pacman will be along watching TV and belting out in his Magic Sing: “Far… See you… Ang laban na tu.”

* * *

There’s one problem Manny Pacquiao has to deal with in his latest endorsing coup.
With all the brands making his boxing shorts looking like a stretch of EDSA dotted with billboards, where in the world are they going to stitch the Swoosh on?

* * *

Next to porn sites, sex scandals and Manny Pacquiao, Pope Benedict XVI is probably the most googled subject on the web today.
The Catholic Church’s highest official is trying to appease the Muslim community for quoting statements linking Islam to violence.
And he should.
Some of the members of the Muslim community, though, are doing the whole protest thing wrong.
Violence and Islam are totally unrelated, they claim, and prove their point by fire-bombing two Christian churches in Palestinian territory.

* * *

Don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against Islamics, having grown up with a few of them in Cagayan de Oro.
One of my closest friends in school was even a Muslim.
It’s just that saying Islam and violence are unrelated and underlining your belief by torching two churches kinda defeats the argument, no?
It’s like I say to someone: “You know what, you’re a foul-mouthed bigot.”
And he answers: “How dare you call me a foul-mouthed bigot you cock-sucking, ass-fucking, cunt-licking, breast-grabbing brown monkey Asian sonafabitch.”

* * *

And while we’re at it, here’s a piece of advice to Muslim friends.
If you really want to hammer a wedge between Islam and violence, there’s a lot you can do to make your point clear.
For starters, stop calling the suicide hijackers aboard the three planes in 9-11 as “Islamic martyrs.”
Henceforth, refer to them as “really lousy pilots” and nothing more.



  1. Parami ka na ng parami ng pagtataguan.

  2. Die Pacquiao DIE!!!!

  3. Naging biktima ako ng sarili kong joke!!!
    Iba-blog ko yun!!!
    I swear!!!
    Puno pa rin ng tubig ang ilong ko.
    Lecheng TV Patrol yan.
    Wrong timing!!!

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