Posted by: theboyfromsmallville | October 14, 2006

Pushing the dawn

This piece was supposed to be a comment on someone’s blog entry.
But it slowly evolved into a blog posted on the wrong page.
I had to cut and paste the entry on the comment field to transfer this piece here, where it can have a permanent home instead of squatting outside the fringes of someone’s blogspace.

Thank you, though, for teaching me that there might be a way, however improbable, to push the dawn.

Because of a recent happening, my alternate world has been thrown into chaos. Hence, I’m writing this outside Smallville.
And chaos comes with the days that pass by.
There is nothing I wouldn’t do to be able to push the dawn.
Hold off the morning.
And keep evenings the way they should be.

They should be you lying on my shoulder and retelling the day’s events from waking up in the morning to sleep-walking through your afternoon classes to post-school hang-outs with your friends to laboring over math and English homeworks.

They should be you smiling sweetly and extending a hand at my direction, a hand you want massaged until sleep overtakes you.

They should be you, falling asleep cuddled against me and leaving me wondering what dreams you fly to when your  hand loosens its grip on mine, when your neck turns limp and your breathing steadies itself into a rhythmic pace.

They should be you texting in appointments you make with my best best friends, who you’ve adopted into your tiny and very exclusive family circle. Appointments they don’t know of, but agree to because they, too, love you as much as I do.

If I could only stall the hours that threaten to steal these moments away, I would.
If I could only push the dawn, I would.
 
But I can’t.
And so I live my days in search for the “one more’s” of my life.

One more movie.
One more afternoon spent in a fastfood joint we’ve claimed as our own.
One more weekend in the mall, with you screaming in delight as I hand you a cone of cookies ‘n cream-flavored ice cream.
One more text message to wake up to.
One more moment to listen to you sigh the word “daddy.”
One more moment to listen to you asking me to sing you a lullabye.
One more of everything about you that I’ve lovingly tucked into the special corners of my memory, along with the images of you from when you were a little girl—the you that you never outgrew no matter how complicated and sophisticated your life has bloomed into.

And I will constantly live for those “one more’s.”
Until that one day, that one special day, when I would have learned how to push the dawn.
How to hold off the morning.
And how to keep evenings the way they should be.

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Responses

  1. awwww.

    *hugs*

    we love faye as much as we love you. we’ll keep you company when the *insert impending doom sound FX here* day comes.

    *hugs*

  2. Thanks Lex.
    Faye loves you guys a lot too.
    As in.
    Yung short na time na kasama mo siya sa lobby nung dumalaw siya sa office, matagal na naman namin pagkukuwentuhan yun.
    :-)
    Thanks for being there always, too.

  3. aaawww, i don’t know faye pero … makiki-hug na rin ako. hehe. hope it gets better…

  4. Kat…
    Faye’s my baby girl bestfriend and the only reason I decide to breathe when I wake up in the morning. She easily weaves in and out of the worlds I create for myself and settles comfortable in them, as if she helped me make them or owned them too.
    For the last eight or nine years, she has taken me as her dad and in that span, it seemed that nothing existed outside of her as far as I was concerned.
    Thanks for the hugs. I do hope things get better and that she finds her way home after she gets to live with her “real” dad.

  5. hi Kiko. wow… I’ve been wanting to ask about her since you wrote the other entry about her leaving. anyway, yeah, things will get better. hello to Faye. *more hugs*


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