Posted by: theboyfromsmallville | October 29, 2006

Shallow hallow’s eve

Christmas has its Grinch.
Birthday parties have their poopers.
And [name of event] parades have their rain.

Halloween?
How come no one ever comes out to ruin the celebration of wandering souls?
Is it because trick-or-treating and jack-‘o-lantern-lighting aren’t popular hereabouts?

Why don’t we go out and actually try to ruin Halloween for the people who make a living out of it?

Like people who make masks whose shock factor has worn off in this age of CGI-powered grisly movies.
Or people who add a little gothic charm to candles and sell them at four times more their value.
Or people who write uninspired horror stories, trying to pass them off as true and then sell them to movie producers who turn them into uninspired films heavy on effects and light on substance.

Let me tell you something. And let me make this very clear.
There are no wandering souls on earth.
None.
No such thing as haunted spots.
The white lady on Balete Drive is nothing but some fantastic cab driver’s excuse to the missus for coming home at dawn.
Because a lot of times, the missus would rather believe a story about being stopped in the middle of the night by a horrific-looking lady in glowing white gown than the one about a night of insobriety in the company of half-naked and even more horrific-looking women wearing make-up thick enough to put even the most elaborate masks to shame.

Put it this way.
As a human being, haven’t you had enough of this world to continue inhabiting it as a soul?
I mean, for what purpose?
So you can relive the traffic, continue smelling the garbage and watch the human race degenerate into classless life forms?
C’mon.
If I were a soul, I’d cross over immediately. Heaven or Hell, it doesn’t matter. The way we’ve soiled what used to be a paradise of a planet, any place is better.

And forget unfinished business.
The moment you stop breathing, your business is finished.
What else could put a touch of finality to our mission on Earth than for your vital organs to conk out on you?
Hello! You’re no longer breathing.
Give it up. 

Revenge from beyond the grave?
You’re dead.
The person you want to cast vengeance on is alive.
Believe me pal: That is the coldest form of revenge you can ever wish on an enemy.

There are no such things as ghosts, zombies and vampires.
Proof of it is here.

They’re fictional characters created so:
A. Your religion’s high priests can scare you into attending mass or congregating with your fellow faithful at least once a week
B. So people can sell you stuff to repel these supposed evil spirits
C. So we can celebrate the crass commercialism of Halloween
D. So spooky movies will sell and
E. So electric companies will profit from you having to sleep with the lights on.

I mean, what’s this whole afraid-of-the-dark thing about?
If there’s a boogeyman in your closet and under the bed that rises at night to stab you with a flaming pitchfork and feed on your entrails afterwards, what good will the light do?
Aside from improving the boogeyman’s aim?

Good thing trick-or-treating ain’t popular here.
If someone dressed in a Freddie Krueger costume were to knock on my door to scare me into surrendering my precious collection of candies and chocolate, I’d give him or her something to be really frightened about.

Then I’d slip under the covers and have a good night’s sleep.
With the lights on.

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Responses

  1. Hindi ka naman masyadong galit sa Halloween, hehehe.

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