And nude pictures of Britney Spears, too.
I’ve got Pope Benedict holding mass for the death of Steve Irwin while Paris Hilton watches a DVD of Grey’s Anatomy’s favorite episodes. And guess what? I’ve got sexy pictures of Beyonce Knowles, Jessica Simpson and Pamela Anderson acting as on-ring hosts for the WWE.
Somewhere in here, you’ll find Shakira in a seductive pose and stolen free video downloads of her private concert for the New York Yankees.
I’ve got free video downloads of the Simpsons spoofing Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes and Suri Cruise while that Federline guy tries to find a post-divorce career as a Dancing with the Stars host in the new South Park episode.
I’ve got George Bush spending Christmas with the Dallas Cowboys and Bill Clinton watching a sexy young thing stripping for him in a private club. All free downloads.
Okay. So I really haven’t got them.
But the names I used there happen to be Yahoo’s most popular search words for 2006. I am using them as some sort of a spider web to snare net searchers into this blog for a rant that I want everybody to read because it might have happened to you to and I want to know the I WASN’T THE ONLY ONE WHO GOT SCREWED in a pretty dumbass way by Globe Telecom.
Two days ago, my mobile phone line was disconnected apparently because I had outstanding debts to be settled. Which happens to me a lot, really so don’t think that’s the reason I went ballistic enough to sew a rag doll that would hopefully resemble any of the Ayalas.
After finding out through an emotionless voice recording that I had been temporarily disconnected pending the payment of my outstanding bills, it suddenly hit me. What bill? I hadn’t received my bill just yet. Of course, the cleaning lady who tries to put a semblance of order in my flat may have misplaced the bill but she swore over the graves of every known relative of hers and threw in the fate of her living kin for good measure that there was no Globe bill that had arrived for this particular billing period.
And here’s more. Globe usually sends text messages warning you that you have an outstanding balance and that you’d better PAY OR WE’LL BE SENDING A HIT SQUAD TO LIQUIDATE YOU weeks before it disconnects your service.
I had neither bill nor text message warning.
All I had was a phone that refused to send an SMS and wouldn’t put my calls through.
I gave Globe the benefit of the doubt. I have been a Globe user since way, way back and it has always been my preferred wireless communication company. I unfolded my wallet, further thinned a stack of bills that had been taking Holiday hits left and right and asked a good friend if YOU COULD BE KIND ENOUGH TO PAY MY BILL while I bang my head on the nearest electric post.
And while at it, could you please ask why my service was discontinued without prior notice.
Two hours later, my phone was up and about. But that’s when I completely lost my temper and drove a jackhammer through the glass window at the lobby of my office building.
While I was sitting at the office, the friend who paid my bill for me called me up.
“Guess what,” he said. “Your outstanding balance was just P2,500.”
“What! I once had an outstanding balance that went over P9,000 and it took months before I was disconnected. And they disconnected me for P2,500?”
“Yup. Gets better. I know why you were disconnected.”
“Why,” I asked.
“The girl at the counter said it’s Christmas and all bills must be settled before Christmas.”
“What! The! Fuck!”
“Here’s more. I asked her why there was no prior notice. No bill statement. No text message. She said because it’s the holidays, a lot of messengers are on break and they had no people to deliver all the bills. And that there was no one to send out those text messages too.”
“So to make me pay, they disconnected my service?!?!”
I think it was somewhere between the last few exchanges that my boss asked me politely if I could please stop hitting my computer monitor with the telephone because the banging sound was getting on his nerves.
I calmed down a bit. But only appearance-wise. In my mind, I was attaching a fish hook to the uvula of a Globe employee and tying the other end to the horn of a constipated bull with a bee’s nest stuck up his ass.
I mean, how would Globe feel if the electric company suddenly cut their power without notice just so they would be reminded that hey, you’ve got bills to pay, buster.
Hell of a way to treat a customer. I do not believe in the eye-for-an-eye concept of revenge and so I will not name the Globe employee who my friend spoke to. I’m more into the Hindu version of revenge wherein if you screw me you will be reborn as maggots.
Here’s a suggestion to the corporate whores at Globe Telecom. Try changing your advertising tagline.
Instead of “Globe: Connecting People,” why not make it instead “Globe: Not Smart.”
Trust me, that is truth in advertising at its finest.