Posted by: theboyfromsmallville | February 18, 2007

Saguijo nights (A one-act play)

Characters:
Ronnie Lazaro
—Thespian. Professor of life. Tanggero. Tagatago ng sikreto ni Mara at Clara.
Lourd de Veyra—Poet. Bokalista ng Radioactive Sago Project. College bitch.
Vincent Eviota—Lead vocalist ng Radioactive Sago cheering section. Philosopher.
MeTagahirit ng useless na comment. Epal.
Avid fans—Autograph seekers.

Setting:
Saguijo parking lot. Beside a beat-up Nissan automatic. On top of a stone-paved ground. Underneath star-lit skies. Walled-in by paint-less hollow-blocked walls decorated with a litter of shrubs. Naks, poetic kuno.

Props:
Raspberry vodka. Strong ice. Shot glass


(It is past 2 in the morning. Lourd, having finished launching the third album of Radioactive Sago Project, hauls Vincent, Ronnie and Me to his beat-up Nissan, parked inside the uncomfortably stony Saguijo parking lot.)

Lourd: Vodka tayo pare, may dala ako diyan.
Ronnie: You can tell a lot about people when they drink by looking at what they drink.
Vincent: You said it.
Me: (Useless comment No. 1) Oo nga. Wow. Vodka.

(We get to his car, Lourd pops the trunk, unzips a tote bag, fishes out a bottle of vodka, a shot glass and a shirt)

Lourd: O, Ronnie, do the honors.
Ronnie: (Taking the vodka, uncapping it and pouring the first shot), Here, ikaw una.
Me (taking the glass and blurting out useless comment No. 2) Sure, pare. Oh, ha, ako una.
Vincent: Wala tayong chaser, but then, who cares, vodka naman eh.
(Lourd strips off the sweat-soaked shirt he wore during the gig and flexes his muscles)
Lourd: Pucha, eto ang katawan. Ronnie, puwede na bang pang-pelikula itong ganito?
Ronnie (obviously being friendly): Pare, shempre, yan pa.
Vincent: Ayan, puwede ka na mag-pursue ng bagong career.
Me: Katawang pangkontrabida yan eh.
(Laughter. Apparently, I am capable of humor when I don’t mean it)

(The shot glass passes on to Vincent. And then to Ronnie, who, AT HIS TURN, suddenly remembers we have no chaser)

Ronnie: Eto nalang Strong Ice ang chaser natin.
Lourd: Yan ang chaser pare. (Takes his shot glass, downs it and then swigs the bottle of Strong Ice).
Ronnie: (pointing to Lourd and me) So, how’d you two meet?
Lourd: College friends kami. (Awkward pause)
Ronnie: (Catching the awkward pause) Parang may iba pang karugtong yun na di lang inaamin ah.
Vincent: Kelangan pa daw ng vodka to loosen up the tongue.
Me: Actually, college bitch ko yan si Lourd. Di niya lang inaamin.
Vincent: Magkasama yang dalawang yan sa kalokohan dati.
Lourd: (To me) Ulol. (To Ronnie) Eto yung bitch. Isang gabi lang ang pinagsaluhan namin at nakalimot lang talaga ako nun.
(Laughter)
Me: Fuck you
Lourd: Promise?
Me: You wish.

(More laughter and Ronnie passes another round of vodka shots and a Strong Ice bottle, intent on finishing the 1.5-liter absolute Lourd packed with him for the Makati gig.)

Lourd: Teka, diba best man ako sa kasal mo?
Me: Oo nga! Leche, kaya pala minalas ang marriage na yun, ikaw nagdala ng malas.
Lourd: Tanginamo.
Ronnie: Wait. Wait… What do you mean minalas yung kasal?
Vincent: Hiwalay na ata tong si Francis eh.
Lourd: Pero never alone. Daming chicks niyan eh. Dalawa lang talaga ang klase ng lalake sa mundo. Guwapong-guwapo at masuwerte. Eto is Francis, sobrang suwerte pag dating sa chicks.
Me: Ulol.
Ronnie: So what happened pare?
Me: I don’t know. I guess we were too young.
Ronnie: You have kids?
Me: Wala naman.
Vincent: Ikaw, Ronnie, you have?
Ronnie: Yeah. One. I got married at 38 and I’m enjoying this new life of mine now.
Vincent: So your kid, does he have an ear like you?
Ronnie: Yup. Trained ko yun since nasa loob pa siya ng nanay niya.
Me: (Useless comment No. 3) Ear? As in tenga? Trained to have an ear?
Lourd: For music, pare. Ear for music.
Me: Oh.
Ronnie: Kinakantahan ko Do-Re-Mi. In perfect pitch.
Me: (Useless comment No. 4) Ang galing siguro kumanta ng do-re-mi ngayon yun.
Vincent: Ako never pa ako married and I’m already 36.
Ronnie: Naku, may two years ka pa before you should seriously consider getting married.
Lourd: Pare, tinaningan na ni Ronnie Lazaro ang single life mo.
(More shots of vodka are passed around)

Avid fans: (from nowhere) Hi Lourd, puwede bang pa-autograph?
Lourd: Sure. (Peels himself from the foursome and walks in typical suray fashion of those mired in insobriety)
Ronnie: Ikaw Vincent, how’d you hook up with these guys?
Vincent: Matagal na akong Sago fan. Bayaw tawagan naming mga sumusubaybay sa bandang yan. Si Francis naman, I once did a comparative study of his writing and that of [Sports Illustrated’s] Alex Wolfe. Nasa UST library yun.

(At this point, you should know Vincent really did not say that but THIS IS MY BLOG AND—ehem—yes, he did write that thesis. I just needed a way to make that known)

Ronnie: Kumusta naman ang Inquirer pare?
Me: (Useless comment No. 6) Ayun, Inquirer pa rin.
Vincent: Pare, tinatawag tayo ata ni Lourd.

(Group approaches Lourd and a pack of avid fans. Lourd makes introductions)

Lourd: Mga Flamers ng UST, pare. Si Vincent, taga UST din yan. Si Ronnie Lazaro, artista. Eto si Francis, oi, dating literary editor ng Flame ata to.
Me: Talaga?
Lourd: Ay, EIC ata.
Me: Naging editor ba ako?
Lourd: OO pare. Literary ata eh.
Ronnie: Tangina, yan ang tanda ng tunay na magkakaibigan, may tagapag-alala sayo ng mga past achievements mo.
Vincent: Bilib ako sa magkakaibigang to. They never really see each other often pero close pa rin.
Ronnie: Pare, when it comes to life, nothing is worth more than true friends. Yun bang di mo tinatawagan, di mo tinetext pero pag nagkita kayo okay pa rin kayo.
Me: (Most useless comment of the night) Ronnie, kamukha mo si Christopher Walken sa Click.
Lourd: Pucha, eh etong gagong to (pointing to me for emphasis) bigla nalang maglalaho tapos mababalitaan mo na ang daming raket, ang daming chicks, ang daming pera. Tapos biglang sisipot sa gig namin. Dun mo malalaman na walang-wala sha. Magpapakita yan pag may kelangan lang.
Vincent: Usually of the illegal nature.
Ronnie: Sex, drugs and rock and roll ba?
Lourd: Parang ganun nga.
Me: Pero diba dapat ganun ang friendship. Dun mo sinusukat. Pag hindi ka na nahihiyang lumapit sa tao when you really need help.
Ronnie: But sometimes, the hard part is pag sinasagad ka ng taong yun. Not just financially, which is the easy part, but emotionally.
Vincent: Eh what if I approach you, Ronnie, with emotional needs, masasagad ba kita?
(Laughter)
Ronnie: You forget, I am an actor, marami akong stored emotions.
Lourd: How many of them real?
Ronnie: That’s for me to know. (Laughter)
Lourd: Pero di naman talaga user tong si Francis. Tirador lang ng damo at valium.
Me: Na nasa kotse mo, linawin natin yun.
Lourd: (laughs and then piggybacks on me) Salamat sa pagdating pare.
Me: (To Ronnie) See? Now who’s being the bitch?
(Laughter ulit, more rounds of vodka)
Lourd: Ikaw pa rin ang bitch. Diba there was a time ambivalent ka sa sexuality mo.
Me: (Cursing in four different languages and three different dialects, adding the finger for emphasis)
Ronnie: Eh pagdating naman sa ambivalence sa sexuality, the question is, aren’t we all?
(Laughter. More avid fans approach Lourd, who is on the brink of spraying yesterday’s lunch on the ground)

(Just before the group dissolves into nothingness)
Vincent: Parang wala tayong theme sa pag-uusap kanina
Lourd: Lasing ka lang pare.
Me: Meron ah, about friendship and do-re-mi diba?
Ronnie: That’s what life’s all about, those meaningless conversations and little moments that you’ll remember one day, when you try to paint a picture of yourself.
Vincent: At ako yung sinasabi niyong lasing ah?
Me: On that note…

(Curtains)

(Cupid’s fate still hangs in the balance… Photos of Radioactive Sago Project’s almum launch here.)

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Responses

  1. Ronnie: Eh pagdating naman sa ambivalence sa sexuality, the question is, aren’t we all? – ay, napakagandang tanong yan =)

  2. Hahahahaha! Sayang wala kayong taga-UP. Sarap kausap ni Ronnie L. Dami niya pang musings on life kaso off the record. Hehehehe

  3. “Me: Pero diba dapat ganun ang friendship. Dun mo sinusukat. Pag hindi ka na nahihiyang lumapit sa tao when you really need help.”

    Yan ang linya!!! hehe. sayang at di ko pa nasisilayan ulit ang mukha ni Lourd…

  4. Ayuuuuun, Ronnie Lazaro = Christopher Walken! For the longest time, iniisip ko kung sinong naaalala ko everytime nakikita ko ang isa sa kanila. Natumbok mo ‘yun, kapatid.

    Alam mo, kahit ikaw ang Hari ng mga Useless Comments, bumu-bull’s eye ka rin.

    Masarap sana sa video itong usapang ito.

  5. Diba? Kamukha talaga? Long hair pa naman si Ronnie L ngayon. Tas medyo curly. Tas kung magsalita sha, kuhang-kuha niya yung diction ni CW. Yung snappy style ng pagsasalita na parang may beat.

    Tel… check mo saguijo.com para malaman mo next gig ng Sago sa Saguijo (ui… ganda yung ah… sago sa saguijo). Aya mo joey punta tayo. :-)

  6. ayos! sige, sige! tapos papa-picture ako ke Lourd!

    question: how do u find time writing all these stuff? sarap basahin eh. hehehe.

  7. marami kasing nangyayari sa buhay ko kaya maraming nasusulat… :-)
    Thanks for the confidence boost.
    You should write more often too.
    Slows the onset of mental illnesses

  8. ugh. i know. i’ve been brain-dead in creative writing for a few years now.
    write more. ur manuscripts inspire me to write again.
    naks, drama!

  9. dati nakita ko si Ronnie Lazaro sa Vinzons Hall sa UP. sa may pila ng Philcoa jeep. hindi sya pumila pero sumakay sya ng jeep.

    that is all.

    hey… anchorless? haha! meron naman. sobrang haba lang ng chain hindi ko makita yung actual anchor.

  10. Hahaha. Until you actually see that anchor, and you tell me about it, then I’ll believe. Till then, the tag sticks. Hehehehe.

  11. Vincent: Eh what if I approach you, Ronnie, with emotional needs, masasagad ba kita?
    (Laughter)
    Ronnie: You forget, I am an actor, marami akong stored emotions.
    Lourd: How many of them real?
    Ronnie: That’s for me to know. (Laughter)

    ronnie lazaro for the win.

    at since na-cite na ni cy ang aking favorite line of the night, i’d just have to settle for saying, damn right, aren’t we all.

    riot post pre.

  12. Ui kate, in the light of tsug! papalitan ko na yung tagline mo sa blogroll ko.

    Hehehehe.

  13. pucha kung ibebenta ko ata yang linyang yan kina mother lily e yayaman ako nang lubos. hahhaa :) oks lang pre, i like the sound of that new tagline! :D

  14. Ito yung mga post na dapat binu-bookmark.

    I love.

  15. Thanks, kat. Coming from someone who inspired the blogger in me, that means a lot. :-)

  16. If only I had a nickel for every time I came here.. Great read!


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