Posted by: theboyfromsmallville | March 4, 2007

Dumbnessness

Here’s a thought.
A realization, actually.

I woke up this morning and realized that I am so dumb. I do not know anything at all.  It’s like, you live your life every morning thinking that those half-assed notions you spew are attempts at humor and then you come to your senses and realize that hey, I spent an hour contemplating that thought, why should anyone find it funny?

There I was, pinned down by some invisible, immovable force to my bed, listening to the gasping whir of the air-conditioner as it continued to chew off large chunks of currency from my electric bill budget.

And too dumb to even figure out which side of the bed I should get up from.

This used to be no problem before. My bed was pushed to my room’s wall so figuring out which side to get up from was by default. Now that my bed occupies the middle of a one-room flat, the decision to get off either side needs a thorough think-over among heads of EU states.

And since they were probably off discussing more pressing matters like what suit to wear to parliament today, I had no help.

And that’s when it that sinking feeling gripped me.

I am so dumb. I know nothing. I was reading a news article on the Internet concerning some business news that floated the latest indices and guess what? I hardly understood a word. I mean separate and on their own, I recognized them words. Strung together in a sentence, they left my jaw agape.

Everything that passes off as common sense in my brain you can scrape out of my nose with the French tip of your girlfriend’s pinkie finger.

So dumb that getting up is almost the equivalent of nuclear physics.

I should blame this on my parents.

Somehow, they forgot to remind me to unglue myself from the television set that was airing the latest episode of Sesame Street the day God dropped by the neighborhood to distribute some smarts.

So I’ve got as much intelligence as a mosquito but hell, today I can show you the difference between near (…) and far—using Grover’s voice.

I can spell the name of Aloysius Snuffleupagus, Big Bird’s imaginary friend, backwards, too.

But then, in a world constantly being reinvented by geniuses like Bill Gates and Steve Jobs, what does it amount to that I know that the mammoth-like Snuffy has a sister named Alice?

In a world where the smart have justifiably overtaken the beautiful in the quest for popularity and social acceptance, where Revenge of the Nerds is a universal truth and not just a cinematic invention, who cares if I can count to 13 the way The Count does?

I used to take comfort in the words of Calvin (from Calvin and Hobbes): I am not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.

But I tell you.

When getting up from bed morphs from a physical challenge to a mental chore, there is little comfort that thought provides.

I am dumb.

I am half-assed.

I am stupid.

Beside me, Kris Aquino and James Yap would look like Mensa cardholders.

Perhaps you smart people can help me figure out something.

Is this dumbnessness the reason why I am alone?

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Responses

  1. You sound everything but dumb but I think you know that. You are a writer and creative soul and no wonder you would feel this way as the ‘objective mind’ takes over the world. I don’t think it will be too long before all that nonsense comes crashing down. You sit and wait.

    Great post…

    -Diana Chance

  2. Hey Diana..
    Thanks for the vote of confidence.
    Now, your site, W-O-W.
    ^still too dumb to think of a better word^
    :)

  3. I was reading a news article on the Internet concerning some business news that floated the latest indices and guess what? I hardly understood a word.

    i so feel you bro. but i don’t think you’re dumb. maaaaan. if you’re dumb.. eee scary possibilities for us lesser beings hahahaha :D

  4. Ultimate reality check: Look at your bookshelf. Do you have IDIOT’s Guide to Something?

    A speaker in a seminar said having such a book tells ONE REALLY GLARING thing about the owner.

    I have four.

  5. Kate…
    Lesser beings? From someone who works for what ultimately is the Inquirer’s nerve center for knowledge? :)

    Lawrence…
    Hahahaha! Idiot’s guide to something? That I WANT!

  6. Hey, shush. Walang dumb sa mundong ito. Lahat tayo perpektong tao. Hehehe.

  7. Hey Kat!

    Nice hearing from you and finally reading a couple of new posts on your site.

    I might drop by Metrowalk tonight [Saturday] or tomorrow night. Hopefully, I can cath you at Starbucks. :-)


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