Posted by: theboyfromsmallville | July 25, 2007

People who make me feel dumb

Okay. This is not to say I blame you guys.

I mean, after spending four years in college either trying to concoct ways to convince the brain to sleep with eyes open or mentally undressing the same chick over and over again (yes, we poor, pimpled, long-haired, face-oilier-than-a-frying-pan-currently-cooking-crispy-pata, pathetic losers simply had no chance with the glam girls), dumbness does grow on you the way moss grows on a stagnant rock (woo-hooo, clichés rule!).

So yeah. It’s my fault.

It’s just that reading, listening to or being with the following really heightens the feeling that I missed out a lot in school (not in any order):


Jessica Zafra—Yeah, she of the Twisted fame. Okay, so to many of you smartasses, she is so consumed with the idea of dominating the world and her columns may have the same dry bitter tone to them. But really, now. My literature teacher once said if you think one writer is bad, you better be able to write better. I haven’t read a critic of hers who does.

And she likes tennis! Roger Federer! Marat Safin, once. And Rafa Nadal to an extent. I’ve been a sportswriter for so long? Yet when I read her write about tennis, I need more than all of Wimbledon’s ballboys to collect my jaws from the ground.

Lourd De Veyra—Tell you a secret. Lourd thinks I’m smart. That’s because the only time I ever open my mouth to talk exhaustively in front of him is when we’ve both exceeded our alcohol limit for sobriety. So he talks a lot of poetic sense, I spew bullshit and he’s too wasted to tell the difference.

Then, in moments when we’re sober and he starts opening up an intelligent discourse, I simply shush him with: “We talked about that already, remember? Last night? Oh, you were too drunk, I guess.”

The Inquirer Research Department—Google search pales in comparison. The people there know everything. There are times when I find this really un-scratch-able inch to ring them up during deadline hours and ask them for the last person to ever spend a night in the Sahara desert. On a diet of caviar and toasted bread with bay shrimp salad. With just a pint of rhum cola. And managed to survive the experience. By crawling into Las Vegas. With one hand tied to his back. And one eye covered with a patch. Wearing only slippers.

Really.

Except that one of them’s a mean, highly-physical goalie who loves the idea of burying knees and elbows into soft body parts. And another dreams of becoming a professional boxer. And of learning to shoot guns. The rest, for all I know, know how to cast spells or have hitmen for neighbors.

John NeryNewsstand has to be up there when it comes to political blogging. His insights are so profound that while encouraging you to chip in your side of the argument, they also instill that fear that if you do post a comment, you might end up being the laughingstock of the world.

Business writers—The moment they write about inflation, lending rates, and other technical stuff, I. Am. Lost. Completely. And they have this different aura among journalists. The news guys are usually the loud ones, or the ones wearing t-shirts that proclaim that justice still lives. The sports guys are the ones always laughing around like everything’s okay with the world. The entertainment and lifestyle people are those who’re always dolled up, it almost seems like every day is prom night. Business people? They just stand in their own corner, wrapped up in the smugness of knowing something we don’t.

Chiz Escudero—How many peole in politics actually know what they’re talking about? And hey, wait a minute. Until you can prove that his stirring speeches are the handiwork of a brilliant staff, he stays on this list.

Mikaela Fudolig—She’s a 16-year-old physics summa cum laude from the University of the Philippines. Enough said.

The UP Cum Laude—For some sadomasochistic reason, I love engaging her in debates. Even if I end up tongue tied and groping for some of the silliest arguments ever since “because I said so.” It’s like challenging Manny Pacquiao to a fistfight. The best thing you can do is load your gloves with steel bars, pull your shorts up to your forehead and declare that there’s no hitting below the belt.

Luckily, as another smart guy from the world of science said, every action in the universe has an equal and opposite reaction.

And, thankfully, there are those who make me feel like I should be elected president of Mensa: Orange and Lemons, the Estrada brood, Lindsay Lohan, the majority of the local film industry, Hale, my neighbor’s pet dog and the makers of Speed 2.

They’re not much? But as long as they’re around, my intellectual insecurities won’t get the best of me. Ever.

Ps… Thanks to my friend Gerry’s post, which introduced me to this girl, I now feel even more unimaginatively dumb and unmistakably uglier (and everything negative in between) than before.

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Responses

  1. Haha! Exactly. I feel so unworthy. I’m an instant fan the moment I watched one of her videos. Lalo pa nung nalaman ko Pinay pala siya. She’s like the Pinay version of Cameron Diaz’s character in “Something About Mary.” Ang sarap siguro kung ganito kaloka-loka and ka-cute ang girlfriend mo. (Shit, fan na fan ako, obvious na obvious, haha.)

  2. Di ka naman mashado gushing ger.

    Pero thanks to you and your wonderful site, may bagong kinagigiliwan na naman ako. Hahahahahahaha! Better than watching soaps!

  3. business writers always always win.

    and i refuse to admit i have any such dreams. hah. charmer. be back soon.

  4. weeee! =) i know feeling, but since may stories na ko na lumabas sa business section, feeling intelligent na din ako! hahaha!

    at ehem, di naman kita pinapahirapan sa debates ah. ayaw mo lang kasi sumuko, inaabot tuloy tayo ng 7 a.m. sa arguments with matching notes/plans of attack pa.

    but you know naman na no matter how hard-headed i am, i love you. and if magwe-wave ka lang ng white flag, di naman na kita papahirapan. till our next argument! mwah! =*

  5. That person is Nicodemus Swarovsky. And correction, he was wearing Crocs, not slippers ;)

    – the aspiring boxer/target shooter

    Hahaha. Nakaka-flatter naman ito, Itay.

  6. Cy: hahahaha! sabi ko na mareresearch pa yung taong yun eh. hehehehehhe
    Kate: yeah will be back soon dearie.
    INQUIRER RESEARCH DEPARTMENT RULES!

    Bibayko: labshoo more. And yes, till our next argument. I still got you on 40 degrees and american pie, though. :)

  7. hey, biboy! on 40 degrees, i just asked you to give me a specific number noh! i understood the concept naman.

    and regarding american pie, i was just telling you that it was composed during the time that black people were fighting for equal treatment. and they used music to do that!

    (talagang hanggang sa blog lumalaban e. hahahaha!)

  8. hey, biboy! i just asked you to give me a specific number noh! i understood the concept naman.

    and regarding am pie, i was just telling you that it was composed during the time that black people were fighting for equal treatment. and they used music to do that!

    (talagang hanggang sa blog lumalaban e. hahahaha!)

  9. hehehe.
    di ah. ni contradict mo yung explanation ko on how the song was written.

    Re: 40 degrees, you did not agree to the concept! When I explained the concept, you said it was not possible until such a number can be proven to exist. Gusto mo yung 40 degrees, fact agad without accepting ne even without coming u with the umber, it is possile that such a temperature exists.

    O-ha! o-ha! Hehehehehehehe.

  10. LOURD DE VEYRA. of course he is smarter than you.

  11. Business writers? Does this include me? Hoy miss na kita!

  12. Trish!
    Dalaw ka inquirer kase. hirap talaga pag big-time, nakakalimot na sa pinanggalingan. hehehehehehe

  13. The next time I’m in Makati, I will drop by. grabe. wala lang. link mo LJ ko. gingeraled.livejournal.com

    inaykupo inggit ako sa pa futsal futsal niyo ah!

  14. you make me feel dumb, too! (and that is a compliment!) so go ahead and include my name up there just between Hale and your neighbor’s pet dog, those who think you are MENSA-ble. haha! love you!


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