Posted by: theboyfromsmallville | January 5, 2008

Because I can talk with a straight face, too

Pop quiz: What has 10 heads, 20 pairs of eyes, 10 noses, 10 mouths, 10 pairs of ears and no brains?

Answer: The list in this post.

Okay, this post, too, lacks brains. But not as much as the list here.

With adrenals pumped harder than a two-bit whore hired on discount because of the recent Iowa caucus, where Barack Obama totally whupped Hillary Clinton’s long-dormant (if we go by Bill’s excuse for, err, not having sex with that intern) ass, I decided to take a look at how the presidential race this part of the world is shaping up.

Too early? Not when several personalities have already voiced their decision to run.

No offense to ex-President Corazon Aquino and defense guy Gilbert Teodoro, but I think the list of candidates for the 2010 presidential elections will be culled from this roll of personalities.

So here: 10 heads, no brains. Okay, so maybe one or two have brains. Three, at the most. But definitely less than half.

JOSEPH ESTRADA
Nobody can ride a populist wave to the presidency better than Erap can. No. he isn’t well-versed in the populist dogma. It’s just that such a campaign thrives on a dichotomy and there is one very much well-entrenched in Philippine society: The elite and the poor.backdrop totally unintended

Owifurgot! He can’t run! Don’t count on it. If he can make the masses forget that he actually resides on the wrong side of the dichotomy (you call yo momma doña, you cannot be possibly masa unless the name attached to the title is labandera), he surely can mount a presidential campaign using a busload of overpaid lawyers who can committee-rig the Comelec.

Anyone can file an electoral protest against Erap, but the guy will already be too old to recognize his son and probably be beaching in some tropical hideaway using illegally-amassed retirement money before a committee can even be formed to discuss the merits of said protest.

FIDEL V. RAMOS
If Erap can, so can El Tabako. And only because the West Point-trained retired general relishes the idea of a let’s-see-who-blinks-first staredown with the former macho action star whose finest acting moment came when he faced the cameras to tell the world that “I did not steal from the public coffers.”One-on-one with Erap should be fun

FVR will run on a knight-in-shining-armor campaign, one that will bank on the vow to protect lady damsel Pilipinas from a mouth-frothing-with-saliva  gangrape wrought by an Erap presidency.

Oh yes. The little thing about needing to tweak the constitution. Hey, if Gloria can get away with Hello Garci, I’m sorry, don’t think that there’s nothing that FVR, thought to be part of the brains behind the litany of administration excuses before he opted out, can do to hurdle a legal impediment on the way to a second term as Chief Tabako.

MAR ROXAS
But will La Sallians vote for him?His name is steeped in politics. Not only does he come from the latest factory line of Roxas politicians, he is backed by one of the oldest political parties in the country, however fractured that party is at the moment.

He is a force to reckon with not because he is a sure winner, but it is his candidacy that could seal the doom of the opposition, unless the administration coalition does something as stupid as drafting Roxas as its standard-bearer. A Roxas candidacy will again rip the anti-Gloria vote in half and allow a money-lined administration machinery to grease its bet’s path to Malacañang.

He has some sort of a foothold on the masses—albeit a flimsy one—because he hooked up with the palengke scene on the way to the Senate. And just maybe, progressive members of the young can separate him from the trapo-like aura his party exudes to actually vote for him. But from where I stand? Ditching his association with Korina multiplies his chances exponentially.

MANNY VILLAR
If there’s one person the administration would seriously consider trying to draft, it’d be Villar. Catapulted into the higher echelons of political rank by his call for a socioeconomic revolution flag-shipped by his Sipag at Tiyaga slogan, Villar seems tailor-made for an administration that has tried to hide its gross immorality behind economic gains.

Lots of cash, this guyHis capitalist view of a labor-intensive economy will be more appreciated and easier to understand than GMA’s constant gloating over her successful attempts at strengthening the local economy because at least, any economic gain that Villar achieves will be directly felt by the masses. They’re the ones who have to Sipag at Tiyaga themselves out of an economic quagmire, after all.

The depth of the opposition roster makes Villar an unlikely unified candidate among anti-Gloria blocs, his closeness with Jinggoy notwithstanding. Unless he is willing to slide down to vice president. Unfortunately, I read somewhere that Mrs. Villar’s really craving to be addressed as First Lady.

Oh, and have I told you that he’s really, really rich?

CHIZ ESCUDERO
Chiz is a presidency waiting to happen. And that isn’t exactly a good thing. Didn’t Ninoy Aquino once say that very same thing about Nene Pimentel? And Pimentel could not even beat Villar for Senate presidency. And Chiz is where Pimentel was before.If the elections were held right now, he'd have my vote

The thing with Escudero is that everything needs to be come together before he can mount a serious presidential campaign. Between now and 2010, a unified opposition has to once and for all field a single bet against the administration, the sleeping dragon also known as the apathetic middle class that he should have a strong appeal to must wake up and all the planets and the stars have to be aligned.

Chiz has to seriously seize that moment to let go of all the rhetoric and come up with something really big, like the smoking gun that will finally indict this current administration. Otherwise, he will be condemned to an eternity in the Senate, with the vice presidency dangled very now and then, where he will sit through boring hearings and complain that Filipino movies are making fun of Bicolanos for the rest of his political career.

PING LACSON
See here, there’s one thing weighing down Lacson’s bid for the top spot. Oh, you bet this guy’s running. But with Erap running around in campaigns-masquerading-as-medical-missions-and-thank-you-rallies type of sorties and telling everybody that FPJ could have been president had Lacson given way in 2004, Ping’s stock keeps taking a hit in the eyes of the voting opposition.

Lots of exposes

The tough-as-nails former PNP chief, who will probably use a few contacts from the underground to sow terror every now and then so he can ride a campaign anchored on the fight against criminality and terrorism, has been bearing his share of the blame for the Gloria presidency, especially with people harping on the fact that if he had given way, he would’ve been president by now given that FPJ croaked six months into what could have been his turn as President.

Lacson’s salvation? Perhaps he could remind everybody that Gloria wouldn’t have won, too, if FPJ backed out in 2004.

BAYANI FERNANDO
Well, ha-ha. Let me know when you’ve run out of jokes about the color pink and public urinals already.

The former Marikina mayor, who by the way did a credible and very unappreciated job of transforming Marikina from the rape capital of the country into one of its more progressive cities, may be on the hit list of illegal vendors and sidewalk miscreants but don’t you ever get the feeling that he is the only guy who understands what the presidency is supposed to be?bayani ng marikina

That it’s a one-shot deal and you have just one chance to do a good job. Unless you’re Gloria. But that seems to be his overriding principle as MMDA chief. Else, why risk political brownie points by getting into television-filmed squabbles with the so-called people who are only out to make a living (hell for everyday commuters and road users)?
Because he has a job to do.

The scourge of street merchants is another mouth-watering choice for the administration, but whether or not it will risk hitching on a person perceived to be a human rights violator is a big question.

RICHARD GORDON
There was a time in my life when I actually lumped this guy in a group that included Ping and BF. I think it was when he was mayor of Olonggapo and then Red Cross chief. He was one of those guys who wouldn’t mind hitting the ground to get a job done.

And then the advent of televised Senate hearings made me ask twice if there were two Richard Gordons in the political landscape. The person who would often be pictured in the middle of evacuation scenes and the one exchanging useless banter with fellow senators during a ZTE controversy that came close to publicly looping a noose around the administration’s neck.

remember the tequila, sir?

A month or so ago, I wouldn’t have even considered him in a list of candidates. But a straight-out-of-left field alliance with Cebu’s Gwen Garcia gave Gordon (yeah, yeah he’s a Dick, I know) some political clout. And no, that’s not me hopelessly believing that we southerners will have the power to reroute political rivers one day.

Besides, I have a personal stake here, more than the fact that he formed a political partnership with a Cebuano. If he becomes president, I would become the first person to force a shot of tequila on a future leader of the country and make him suck on used lemon afterwards.

LOREN LEGARDA
I guess it’s no secret why Loren really spent millions on an electoral protest against Noli de Castro post 2004 vice presidential race. One of the quickest ways to the top is through the No. 2 spot (read: Erap, GMA).very unlikely but a possibility nonetheless

Loren wants to be president. It is probably to her chagrin that the opposition bench is too deep for her to be actually considered as its standard bearer and that it will take a public denouncing of principles to align herself with the administration , but don’t count her out as far as running independently is concerned.

She’d probably test the waters with a few sorties here and there within this year to see if she can mount a serious run at the presidency. If not, sliding down to the No. 2 spot won’t be too much of a sacrifice for someone who’s lusting for the Big Prize (e.g. Erap, GMA).

NOLI DE CASTRO
Excuse me while I laugh this one out first.

Okay, there. *eherm*

Seriously, he did declare his intention to run and then went all mushy with the people hit by a Baclaran fire later. So he’s serious. The former newsreader is, well, probably the if-worse-comes-to-worst bet of the administration. If Gloria’s group fails to find a suitable bet before the year is over, it might panic into drafting Noli as its candidate.

If not, Noli will probably go Loren’s way and dry-run somehow an independent campaign. I don’t really think he still enjoys the idea of running for vice president again.

Okay, excuse me again while I laugh.

ahahahahahahahaha!

There. I’m done. I can’t believe I actually finished this piece. I think I dozed off somewhere in the middle and in some part, it may be obvious that everything I know about politics you can scribble on a fly’s wing.

But then, you don’t need to be smart to dabble in politics. And the list above, save for a few exceptions, kind of proves it.

Which brings me to the question: Why don’t I run for president in 2010?

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Responses

  1. Hahahaha.
    I love the Erap pic. I guess it’s fair to say that one of these ten will be the next president – actually, I’m willing to cut it down to between Villar and Roxas.

  2. Yeah. I had that in mind too. Villar and Roxas. Even if the administration has sounded off that it is, quite apparently, seriously considering on whipping up Noli into a viable presidentiable, I think in the end it will cave in and try to draft Villar, pitting him against Roxas. I hope Erap’s smart enough to realize who his best bet is.

    Thanks for the drop by. It did take me a while to draw the connection between the Erap pic and your site. Hehehehehe.

    Because I’m slow like that.

  3. It seems to me that you don’t like Senator Gordon. But as far as his track record is concern, he is probably the best presidentiable. In comparison with other senators who are also aspiring for presidency such as the likes of Villar, Roxas, Lacson, Legarda and those names that popped up in the headlines, they may also be capable but not at par with Senator Gordon. We ought to choose the most qualified person to be our next president–and we should based our criteria on deeds alone. First and foremost, we should ask ourselves: “what has he done?” We should not vote for a person on the basis of his popularity and wealth alone. Words sometimes are deceiving, let us choose the one who is tested by time, a person who can lead and motivate us and does what he says. A person who has guts to say what he feels and not easily swayed by anyone. A person like senator Gordon is shown with strength of character and he does not mind if he becomes unpopular just to side to what might benefit the country and the majority of our people. He is the man for the job! I believe just like what he did in the past, when he gets elected as president, he can help our nation regain its lost glory.

  4. Like i said, I once liked the guy. Just that thing really about that televised senate hearing that made me doubt if he’s for real. but you’re right, at least he doesn’t take the time out to be mr. popular. cheers! :D

  5. Loren Legarda & Mar Roxas. That’s who I like.


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