Posted by: theboyfromsmallville | January 6, 2008

I kid you not

I mean, why not?

Seriously.

I’ve got friends from the three main islands of the Philippines, having lived in Cagayan de Oro City, Cebu City and Manila and having been schooled in different educational establishments there.

Surely, my classmates would remember something good about me, something more than just the slouch-framed dork who ogled at pretty schoolgirls while picking his nose.

Surely my neighbors remember more than just the odd kid who loved to de-claw their pet kittens with bare hands.

Surely my teachers will remember the promise I once held and not the kid who usually fell asleep in between math and science subjects.

So seriously. Why not?

Why don’t I seriously run for President of the Philippines?

Okay, you know what? Cut the guffaws. Seriously.

I don’t see any reason why I should not.

Okay, so I may have a few skeletons in my closet. But who hasn’t?

Yeah, I mean, I did drugs, the whole kit and caboodle. At one point, I remember I was so stoned, I rocked. Yeah, pathetic attempt at humor, I know. But, really, who cares if I once feasted on a buffet of illegal substances that I slept in march and woke up mid-June? In the light of these guys:

 
I think I should be fine.

My past gambling problem? The one that made me sweat because I wagered and lost company money that needed to be reimbursed in Vegas tables while still still in the second day of a week-long coverage of a Manny Pacquiao fight? The one where I thought I would lose my job after throwing away $1,100 in just two nights? I got it back didn’t I? I texas hold ‘em-ed my way out of having to repay the office with my life’s savings and even made a tidy profit on the side didn’t I?

Okay. So that’s not the point. So gambling is bad. So opponents will bring up my gambling past in a vicious game of mud-slinging. Then again, hello?


Of course, people will bring up my sexual history and say that my morals are so loose you’d need suspenders to hold them up Fat Bastard’s waist. But when has a sex-related controversy been harmful to a presidency? Remember?

Okay, come swear-in time, I may have problems with the “tell-the-whole-truth-and-nothing-but” part.

But who cares? They…

 

…got away with it, didn’t they? (one lie, another lie)

And don’t tell me that my history of mental problems will cause the downfall of my campaign. This guy:

is living proof that you can conjure monsters tucked in Middle East countries and justify the killing of hundreds of thousands of innocent lives so I’m pretty much in the clear on that one.

Besides, I have never cheated our democracy by manipulating numbers and rigging an election.

I have never stolen a single cent from public coffers.

   

And I have never been responsible for the birth of banality.

So what’s to stop me from running for president?

At least I finished high school.

So join my political bandwagon. Sign-up for the campaign now. Let’s go straight to Malacañang in 2010!

Woohooo!

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Responses

  1. natawa ako sa paulit-ulit na photos hahahahahaha :D sabaw.

    ako gagawa campaign website mo promise.

  2. I love et that you’re serious about this. Haha. Voting for YOU is just about the best thing I can do for this country.

  3. under construction na: http://www.francisochoa4president.com.ph.
    Count me in as Bacolod campaign manager :) hehehe

  4. Kate, Rissa: Let’s go! let’s build up the momentum and make a run for malacanang!

    cedelf: i actually had enough delusions of grandeur to click on the link!

    woohoooo!!! the AVALANCHE of support for my candidacy is SNOWBALLING.

  5. SHET AKO NA ANG SUSUNOD NA LULI MWAHAHAHA.

  6. Magli-leave ako from work if only to vote for you.


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