Posted by: theboyfromsmallville | March 31, 2009

Chip shot (or, Why Mr. Tsao isn’t actually a Racist)

(Thanks to Gerry, for the heads up)

Deconstructing Chip Tsao
By Francis T. J. Ochoa

SEE, here’s what you don’t get. Chip Tsao was simply writing a satire on the Spratly Islands controversy. Chip Tsao was trying to be funny. Chip Tsao, apparently, was simply unaware that Filipinos don’t normally find racist jokes funny especially if they are about old buildings that smell like cockroaches or questionable medical degrees.

When Chip Tsao wrote that the Filipino race amounts to nothing more than “$3,580-a-month cheap labor in Hong Kong” and that this “nation of servants” is good for nothing more than washing toilets and cleaning windows, he was merely cracking a punchline or two.

While he may have sounded like someone who earned his writing degree from the Malu Fernandez School of Journalism, Chip Tsao actually writes with a lot of sense. In fact, the only way to appreciate the heights of his genius is to read between the lines of his now notorious article.

Like: “I sternly warned [my domestic assistant] that if she wants her wages increased next year, she had better tell every one of her compatriots in Statue Square on Sunday that the entirety of the Spratly Islands belongs to China.

Grimly, I told her that if war breaks out between the Philippines and China, I would have to end her employment and send her straight home, because I would not risk the crime of treason for sponsoring an enemy of the state by paying her to wash my toilet and clean my windows 16 hours a day. With that money, she would pay taxes to her government, and they would fund a navy to invade our motherland and deeply hurt my feelings.

Some of my friends told me they have already declared a state of emergency at home. Their maids have been made to shout ‘China, Madam/Sir’ loudly whenever they hear the word ‘Spratly.’”

What he really means is China fears an outright war against the Philippines over the contested territory because for all its military might, China defines genocide as the act of air-spraying antiseptic over Guangdong Province, Hong Kong and other SARS-producing Chinese territories.

In an outright war, Tsao implies, China would have to set aside a  billion-dollar war chest for  weapons and machinery while all the Filipinos need to equip themselves with is an aerosol can filled with over-the-counter rubbing alcohol.

Or: “The government of the Philippines would certainly be wrong if they think we Chinese are prepared to swallow their insult and sit back and lose a Falkland Islands War in the Far East. They may have Barack Obama and the hawkish American military behind them, but we have a hostage in each of our homes in the Mid-Levels or higher.

To some, it may mean that Chip Tsao is implying that if Chinese employers stopped paying their Filipino helpers their wages, they would force a huge void upon the Philippine economy.

Read the paragraph a little bit closer and you’ll realize he’s implying the opposite, actually. He’s actually sending a coded message to the Chinese government that it shouldn’t try to fool around with the Filipinos. Because if Filipinos stopped buying stale hopia, fake mobile phones and other  faulty electronic devices with a three-day shelf-life, the entire Chinese economy would collapse.

He’s warning about economic lights-out in China; the kind of which would make Earth Hour organizers oh-so-envious.

So enough with all the bigotry and hatred already. Anybody with enough units in LitCrit will know that Chip Tsao was making an effort to be funny. And having grown up as part of a race that lists censorship as an ordinary undertaking similar to phlegm-spitting, pollution-spreading, swearing and cutting in lines, that was the closest Chip Tsao could ever get to mocking his own government.

(Chip Tsao is a best-selling author and columnist. A former reporter for the BBC, his columns have also appeared in Apple Daily, Next Magazine and CUP Magazine, among others.)

(Francis T.J. Ochoa hasn’t written anything that has been read by anybody outside of his girlfriend, his mother and his high school classmate. He got his writing degree from the Malu Fernandez School of Journalism. He swears he didn’t see Chip Tsao there.)



  1. your name must be cheap chao chao..because your picture there ,,you look like a cheap stinky mabaho na chao chao


    by the way my name was chip tsao also,i pd 1oooo dollar to change it to not.tsao!!!!!hehehehe
    hope april fool virus conplicker from a to z get to your pc…

    dont worry,your red army government will not try you as a traitor,traitor is for human,you look like more of a

    joke to all,cause your face look like a chines clown,making fun at himself..
    your not a human, your a pig,or least a dog,chao chao,you know a chao chao dog,it looks like you…you must be

    slaugther andbe eaten as a pulutan here.may pakinabang ka pa sa lipunan namin..

  2. did you know how to make a pyramid or the great great wall of china,you must know it,,,coz your great great

    grandpa helped built it..and your grand pa is a slave /a servant…did you know now where he is,inside the

    wall,,it help to keep the wall mighty and strong..
    even gods need a lot of slaves….slaves are free..servants you must pay….thaats the different,,,you even dont

    know it….oh by the way again,,,they can kill you also….hehehehe iknow a lot of abusados killed by slaves,,,im

    sorry,servants pala,,,wala ng slaves dito sa pinas….no more slaves in the pinas,,,
    we do have bosses here also…we are nation of master and servants….just like anywhere else….even heaven do

    have this set up,hell also…

    by the way,dont call us servant,,,just call as slaves,or call us nation of slaves,,,try it,,,and maybe we will go

    to war!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! dont be polite to call us servant,what you said is no way to be polite any

    more…call us alaves,,,patay gutom,,,i will even help you pick words to call us,,,
    your the one provoking war…china sleeps for a thousand year,,because they dont war,,oh,,i know,,, maybe your not

    a chinese after all….yeahh
    mr chao chao is now useful for us now,,,he makes a lot of us learn how to blog,,me,its must first time,i cant help

    it,,,i must blog it,,,blogblogblogblog…
    mr chaochao….thank you for being such a nice person for being an instrument for us.bleeeeeea…yukyukyuk.

  3. lets joke some…chao like to joke so let joke…..

    china is a big nation of coward,,,a lot of europians came and steal from them,slaugther them also….bring them home back to europe cause they say bak home,,,chinese food,delicious,,,oriental foood and spice,ummm delicious,,,me,i only eat siopao…now im contimplating if i will eat chao…nahhhh,maybe not a good idea,,,chao not delicious, im sure….

    now ,,bak to china,,,,europian came,,,steal,kill ,,,,,
    even japanese,,ohhhh nasty,,,,they came and kill them a lot,,,,what did they do,,,nothing much,,,then ,they migrate a lot,,,oh shall we say,,,tumakas,,,they scape the japanese ,they scape china ,they scape,they dont face their problems,,,we see here that they are the largest ofws,,,yea they are workers also….in usa ,they built railroads and so on,and so on,,didnt chao know that they are once a nation of slaves also…they must know their history,,,youre are journalist,,nahhh ,i doubt it,,,go bak to ur skul,,andlook it up your old foolish fool.pathetic…you insult us,and you dont know why you are alive right now,,,its because ur ancestor scaped,just like mine!!!!!!u sanamagan!!!!!now i blew my top…i wanna smash my pc ,if u come here,i will not think twice,iwill not even think at alll,give me ur face and i will smash up it using my 2 desktop,and my vaio laptop.naks yabang ano po,,i dont now why im so angry at chao,,im a chinese also,,,but because i knew he must not do the insult,im a worker once,he insulted my past,me, he insulted me,i m here in the phils..
    and then they close their country to the outside world…to have peace in their country..they embrace communism,,socialism,,did they liked it,,,nahhhh chinese are born capitalist..they are good businessman,, they will not survived ,so they abandoned communism,turned to became world biggest capitalist….now they can bully the rests,,coz they are rich ang all mighty,,,yes they are billions of them,,bully!!!di lumalaban ng konti,madami na kaya matapang…kinakatay lang sila ng hapon…wala pang modo,,,dura ng dura sa buses,,ang babaho ng mga cr,,,mga restaurant ang gagara,ang dami din ipis,,yuuuukkkkk…

    p.s. chao is coward,,u said ur hearts like to say,now u say its a joke only,so that other will not take you seriosly,,,is that a joke? u sanamagan…
    so ur lifes work is ajoke,ur hk magazine office is ajoke,your editor is also gago,,ur staff and oic and bosses,u joked their work,u joke ur work,u joke everything,, oh u sanamagan,,ur a big joke,,,ur not a journalist,ur a big shame to ur peer,after all ,may i say,journalism is a big joke,,,all write and no action,all pen ,but will not fight fair.!!!!!when phils china war errupt because of u,,,you will hide for sure,,,ipambala ka sana sa kanyon,u sanamagan…
    joke joke joke
    tama na ako brod..tnx for ur space,,sana wag mo alisin ito…di ako dunong blog e..alis na ko,,ubos oras ko e,trabaho pa ako. tnx again

  4. hey chip tsao….ur maid work for 16 hour aday everyday,,,cleaning ur windows and toilet,,,u must be a pig,,u use ur toilet that much,in order that your maid will clean that hard…u must pay ur maid 10 fold,,u pig…and your windows is that dirty,,hong kong must be that badly polluted,imagining cleaning ur place like that,,and thats for the windows only…and how about ur dresses,is it soiled enough to throw away,,,,,let me warn u,,,our maids throw away dresses also,,,watch out for that,,,,baboyyy ka

  5. u got urself the famous 15 minutes fame…u got a lot of time,our time to insult u bak,,,u dont have the time,effort,and guts to read our reply…hope u kill urself u bitch…u joke,,no,,,thats not the way to joke….or to worked as a jornalis…ur more of a terrorist to me,,,ohhhhh by the way….our bureau of immigration chief banned u in our land as a terrorist,,,pls dont come near us…

  6. u sanamagan,chao
    u make me waste my time….
    .i now loss a day of earning,,
    what the heck…
    its all worth it…
    makaganti lang kahit sa blog,
    nakaride on lang pala me,
    tnx brod..

  7. Hala if you didn’t see him there, gawa malamang sa Recto yung diploma ni Chip Tsao! Hehehe…

  8. @not.chao >> hwow. na-breathless ako dun ah.

    @ger >> OONGA!!!! Hahahahahaha!

  9. not.chao, Don’t be upset. It was a satire. It was make believe and exageration. Nobody made anyone say “China” whenever the word “Spratly” was mentioned. It was just not real. If you want to know, it was similar to the TV show Saturday Night Live in US or Benny Hill Show in England. I was from HongKong and came to US in the 80’s. I have Filipino friends that I made since I was in college. Don’t let Chip Tsao’s article bother you.

  10. I share not.chao’s sentiments. G*g* talaga si Chip. Arogante pa. Not only is he an idiot, he’s also a liar. He said that he:
    1). Had a “Domestic Assitant”, Luisa – a lie. He has 2 indonesian helpers. Luisa is his father’s ‘assistant’. Obviously, imbento na siya dito.

    2). He gave her a lecture. That’s a complete lie again. She didn’t even know this thing ever happened.

    He’s obviously an idiot and a KSP. Dapat siyang kaawaan at hindi pansinin. Gusto lang niyang sumikat pero ang problema, siya ang nagmukhang tanga. With what he’s done, it only goes to show that his articles are all based on lies. I wouldn’t even bother reading his articles. Wag lang siyang magpapakita sa Central at tiyak, lalamugin siya doon.

    Kung ako siya, I’d always look over my shoulder kahit saan dito sa Hong Kong, kilala na siya.

  11. Joe, we know it’s a satire, thank you. Filipinos are very good at it, in fact.

    We elected a swashbuckling movie star to the presidency, remember?

    Thing is, it wasn’t a good satire. That’s the problem.

  12. Ok here is a satire for Chip Tsao:
    1. Chinese nationals have been caught running shabu labs in the Philippines for over many years now. That make Chip Tsao a national from shabu manufactureres therefore a criminal.
    2. There are many Chinese who choose to live in the Philippines. Let Chip Tsao call all of them home to China & Hong Kong so they will not be related to a antion of servants.
    3.Chinese servants, Ask chinese servants rather than Filipino so he can save himself some anxiaty. He can always feel safe for his family and home as there are millions of chinese so what is he doing with a Filipino. Well he is scared for they are so unskilled and can not earn honestly like his servant.

  13. Francis… I was about to commend you for the backlash article and post a “LMAO” for the humor. But just before I started typing this response — by golly this “SANAMAGAN” beat you to the punchline! Wahahaha! I’d hate to say it, man, but your reader-respondent NOT.CHAO gets 5 stars for his piece. And he didn’t seem to need a Malu Fernandez Degree in Journalism. ;)

  14. @nate: yeah, the dude’s responses were a blast =)

  15. Little does Chip know…

    … that Luisa is of Chinese descent hailing from a province not far from Shenzen! (=

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