All I want for Christmas

For today’s Christmas wish list, let’s try deviating from the norm. Which is kinda like a redundancy of sorts because why else would you deviate from something that isn’t a norm?

You know how Christmas wish lists usually itemize the things a person wants under his Christmas tree or inside his Christmas stocking? You know how that list never really pans out? I’ve checked wish lists I’ve made for the last five years and I computed my batting average to be slightly above two percent.

That was when I noticed the flaw in this wish list system. When you list down the things you want and your friends read it, they tend to think that somebody else who has read your list might have gotten the same item for you already.

This thought hit me because as I was going through someone’s wish list, I said to myself, “okay, I’m going to get this person a brand new 60G IPod video.” Then, I realized something. What if somebody who has read this list will already get that person the same 60G IPod video? Or the new MacBook that’s also on the list? Hmmm.

So I changed my mind. I decided to get that person something only I can give. A brand new handkerchief.

With my name embroidered on it.

I’m going to make my Christmas wish list now. To spare you the problem of having to have your name embroidered on a handkerchief, I’m going to make a list asking a gift from a particular person. That way, you’re sure there will be no duplication. Makes sense, right? In case you’re not on the list, I prefer blue handkerchiefs. And you can do away with the embroidery.

Here goes.

From my high school pals:
Gerry—framed poster-size ad material that reflects your genius and no one else’s.
Tristan—the long overdue drawings of the comic book we are planning.
Wowie—a brand new desktop.
Nie—a signed compilation of the psychiatric files. Hardbound.

From my college pals
Lourd—Radioactive Sago’s first album. And that. Plus that.
Myrene—Long overdue beer-crab-oyster fest.
Romina—Any DVD (original, not pirated).

From my family
Brian—The Hatchback of Notre Dame. Blue. Beauty. Anybody. Or you can try get Cammie back for me.
Peach—Cheska vacationing here for a week.
Dom—Long-sleeved blue Yankees shirt wrapped around the driver’s seat of a Mitsubishi Evo-X.
New York people—Canon Rebel camera.
Cagayan de Oro and Cebu people—Sinuglaw. Lechon.

From Inquirer pals
Irene Andrea—GIVE IT BACK TO ME!!!
Fran—CD compilation of your greatest hits.
Allison—Badminton set (Bag, racket, Nike shoes, shirt and shorts).
Kat—The earphones. Attached to an IPod.
Junjun—A pet snake. With rats to feed it.
Jo-anne, Emman, Rissa, Kate, Julie and company—Induction to Wasakan Nights group. Free beer. And that broken bottle encased in glass.
Ruth—UST jacket. Plus a UST basketball jersey.
Mela—a DVD about my life so far. Soundtrack must be cool.

From new friends
Frances Leila—one more lunch to explain the whole thing. Complete Gabriel Garcia Marquez and Isabelle Allende collection.
Kat (tissuepaperworld)—a hardbound book on coffee to explain why I seem to be the only one who doesn’t get its appeal.
Bloggers—More visits and comments to this blog. And the new blog.

From the close circle gang
Baby Faye—Everyday with you, my baby girl, is Christmas Day.
Dindin—Three-day surfing holiday in Siargao complete with hotel accommodations.
Jim Guiao—Poster size black-and-white photos of myself. Five poses.
Alexa and Randy—a night with Up Dharma Down and Drip. I alone as audience.
J and Shiela—Life-sized statue of Superman.
There you go.

That shouldn’t be hard. Think of the mental stress I spared you guys from having to contemplate on what you have to give me for Christmas.

For those who think this is some kind of joke. Please know that I AM EXPECTING THIS and I’ve already began the process of writing down thank-you notes for the items you’re going to give me.

I really appreciate your kindness.